this is not pitchfork

I figured I’d get the two Jersey boys out of the way on the same day.

I don’t like this album. I didn’t like it when it came out and I don’t like it even more now. I don’t like Jon Bon Jovi. I don’t like his hair. I don’t like any music from New Jersey except the Bouncing Souls and maybe Glen Danzig, depending on my mood (Ok, that’s a lie, there’s a lot of good music out of Jersey).

But, you say, this is a collection of reviews from the music you own, right? If you hate Bon Jovi so much, why do you own this album?

Because.

Oh come on, you know why. Don’t make me say it.

Fine.

It’s because of Dead or Alive. This is how you measure a guilty pleasure song: does it make you burst out singing even when your heart and soul are yelling a big Darth Vader “Noooooooooooooooo!”? When this song comes on I am a fucking cowboy. Riding a steel horse. And when he gets to that part, oh yea you know what part, it’s all I can do to keep from pumping my fist in the air.

Cause I’ve seen a million faces.

And I’ve rocked them all.

Favorite song: Obvious.
A band from New Jersey that’s not Bon Jovi