this is not pitchfork

[This one is for Steelopus, who asked for pre-80's Aerosmith. As if I owned any post-80's Aerosmith]

I don’t hate many bands. There are bands I don’t like and bands I don’t care for and bands I wish would fall off the face of the earth. But there’s something about Aerosmith that makes me hate them with such a deep, solid loathing that I have a visceral reaction when I hear them, a feeling deep within my soul, like a million voices cried out and were suddenly silenced……well, something along those lines. And I’m sure my hatred is enhanced by the fact that someone in my office has Love in an Elevator as her ringtone, and her phone goes off thirty times a day and by 4:30 I want to beat her to death with her phone while singing Sweet Emotion in her face.

Once upon a time, I liked Aerosmith. They rocked, they rolled. I have some pretty good memories of this album playing on someone’s car stereo while we played Frisbee in the school parking lot between classes. You know, back when Steven Tyler was content to just sing his heart out and make decent music, instead of casting his daughter as a crazy slut in his video and before the band decided to make formulaic hit pop songs instead of good old rock and roll.

This was a classic album. You could put this on and no one would have the job of running over the stereo to skip a song. It just played through, as the background for parties, Frisbee tournaments, hanging out in the parking lot of 7-11, waiting for someone to buy us beer. There was a good time association to Toys in the Attic, forever destroyed by the wrong turn the band took into the land of pop music.

Favorite song: Big Ten Inch
I think I’m going to change my co-worker’s ring tone to Big Ten Inch tomorrow.